That whole day both in the ER and also in the ICU, a thought keeps bothering me: What if I go into a coma? I didn't leave any living will behind. In the films you never hear what is going on inside the brains of the patients, only dialogs of the people at her bedside. The patient is always in a sleeping position, serene, oblivious to what's going on around. What if this isn't like it seems? What if the brain is awake, hearing what is said, thinking and feeling? I imagine being stuck inside this body forever. My friends and relatives coming to my bedside, saying "It is so sad! So sad!" All the while me screaming with a silent voice " Hellooo! It is me Banu! Can you hear me? I'm stuck here!! Can anybody help please?"
As the thought passes through my mind, most of all I regret that I didn't leave a will behind and that I didn't leave any letters behind to tell people I love my thoughts about them. Especially my son.
On Monday, I'm happy to learn that my Mom and Kidbrother are coming, the earliest flight they could take. I'm both happy about their coming but also worry a bit about my mom. I'm weary about her me seeing in this condition. I know what it is to see a child sick.
1 comment:
I'm glad you are sharing your story. More people need to learn about aphasia.
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